You may well have thought for a long time about the causes of your delayed ejaculation. The inability to ejaculate when you want to have sex seems grossly unfair – after all, the guys you see in pornographic material seem to thrust away in their ever-willing partners for what seems like hours, and yet delayed ejaculation can make it impossible to make love in any way, skillfully or otherwise, your partner is unsatisfied, and you are frustrated and unhappy about your loss of potency. So just what is causing your yet delayed ejaculation?
A physical cause such as occlusion of the penile arteries, diabetic induced neuropathy, or penile injury
Needless to say, these are the more intractable cases of yet delayed ejaculation, and they may need the helping hand of a therapist to produce a lessening of symptoms.
Another cause of delayed ejaculation is emotional – anxiety or anger or fear
When you feel unconscious anger at your partner – or women in general – then you’re not likely to want to have sex with her, unless this is the way that you express your anger.
Some sexual therapists suggest that men canot ejaculate because the withholding of sexual favors is like a punishment for their partner, depriving her of the satisfaction of orgasmic pleasure.
In fact the mechanism by which a man loses his capacity to orgasm is probably more dependent on anger reducing desire than a passive-aggressive withholding of sexual favors: after all, why would you want sex with someone you didn’t feel intimate with? In the latter case, you may be having sex to express anger; yet delayed ejaculation suggests you are so angry you are turned off your partner.
A fear of having sex, or fear of having sex with a particular woman. Delayed ejaculation, especially when it occurs in young men, can be a clear sign that the man in question knows less about his real feelings of sexual attraction than his penis does!
Such problems usually mean that a man does not in fact want to have sex with his partner, and whatever the reason for this, the recognition that it is not necessary to feel sexually attracted to every woman with whom one could potentially have sex is a powerful insight.
This may well be an emotional challenge for all men who were brought up by a woman who used them either as an emotional support or as a vehicle for the expression of their own rage and frustration against men.
Delayed ejaculation is a great way to avoid the ultimate form of intimacy and to minimize the chance of an unappealing sexual encounter.
Other psychological causes
When a man is with a woman with whom he would rather not have sex, delayed ejaculation is possible. Be honest with yourself about this: simply ask, would you rather be with someone other than your partner? If the answer is “yes”, that’s a pretty good clue to the origins of your yet delayed ejaculation.
If you progress too fast from starting sex to the point of penetration, not allowing enough time for sexual arousal to grow and develop, then you will find that your ejaculation becomes more elusive, more challenging to maintain, and more difficult to keep firm.
You may have delayed ejaculation simply because you are not aroused enough, a problem which becomes especially apparent as you get older and require more stimulation and excitement.
Moving though the stages of sexual arousal too quickly
Men with sexual self-confidence understand the signals they receive from their bodies about how sexually aroused they are, but a lot of men who don’t get erect simply do not understand how aroused (or not) they actually are.
Men want sex, and they tend to get frustrated and unhappy when they can’t have it. Delayed ejaculation seems like a disaster – and psychologically, for may men, it really is. Effective treatment of how to delaye ejaculation is essential to male sexual and emotional health. And yet delayed ejaculation is very common: about 1 man in 12 .
Can delayed ejaculation be treated with drugs?
Impotence is more commonly known as erectile dysfunction: the inability to develop an erection hard enough to permit sexual intercourse. It can have a connection with low sex drive or lack of desire, and it may be associated with delayed ejaculation or premature ejaculation.
ED or erectile dysfunction is more common among older men. This is perhaps because of increasing levels of circulation problems, nerve problems, drug use (i.e. prescription drug use), age-related decrease in levels of testosterone, or a combination of these factors.
The classification of erectile dysfunction varies as does the degree of erection loss: from an erection that is not hard enough for sexual intercourse to an erection which permits penetration but then gradually loses hardness or is short-lived.
Nowadays, Viagra can produce a fairly quick erection, and a rapid boost to an impotent man’s self-esteem and sexual self-confidence.
How does drug treatment for Erectile Dysfunction (ED) work?
The two corpora cavernosa which run along the length of the penis to the coronal ridge are made up of spongy tissue and smooth (unstriated) muscle. These muscle fibers are normally slightly tense and so regulate the blood flow into the expandable tissues.
When these muscles relax, blood is allowed to enter, whereupon the tissues swell, thereby squeezing the veins between the tunica albuginea and the corpora cavernosa. As the blood flowing in is now not able to drain away, the tissues swell and become harder and more rigid. It’s a complicated process and disruption to any aspect of the erectile mechanism causes the whole process to fail.
The various factors involved in impotence or erectile dysfunction
As we said before, a common cause of erectile dysfunction is a problem with either the veins or the arteries which feed the penis with blood and then drain it away. Arterial insufficiency or veno-occlusive disease both cause erectile dysfunction; but the ultimate cause of such problems is smoking, hyperlipidemia, hypertension and diabetes.
And neurological damage is a frequent cause of impotence; the release of essential components of the erectile mechanism, namely nitric oxide and prostaglandins from the tissues of the penis, can be inhibited by damage to the neural network – damage that can be caused by injury, surgery, multiple sclerosis and diabetic neuropathy .
Testosterone levels fall as the years go by, and a man will have fewer night-time erections and a lower sex drive. SSRIs, sedatives, anxiolytics, antihistamines, antidepressants and, antihypertensives are common medications which have been all been associated with erectile dysfunction.
Stress can induce erectile dysfunction by increasing blood catecholamine levels and causing smooth muscles to remain tense. And on an emotional level, fear of sex, or women, or pregnancy, or fear of sexual failure can all cause erectile dysfunction.
Pharmacologic agents and the treatment of ED
Of course the best answers are Viagra and other vasoactive agents which promote the accumulation of blood in the corpora cavernosa. The drugs which preceded Viagra were injected into the corpora cavernosa and tended to work within ten minutes. Viagra takes rather longer to work but is safer and more effective for the majority of men.
Psychological or physiological erectile dysfunction?
Emotional issues surround all cases of erectile dysfunction. How could they not? But when a case of erectile dysfunction has a purely emotional origin it can happen suddenly and without any previous experience or warning. In the case of erectile dysfunction with a physiological cause, the onset is more gradual. Tests for high levels of cholesterol and high blood pressure can indicate the cause of erectile dysfunction in some cases.