The Causes Of Erectile Dysfunction - False Beliefs
Much of erectile dysfunction is all in the mind - or at least a significant part of it is! In particular, we mean that many of the things we believe about ourselves and about our sexual relationships can dramatically affect our capacity to perform sexually......So here are some false beliefs, all of which might affect your capacity to get an erection - if you believe them!
1 Men can fuck anyone, any time, anywhere
No - you can choose when to have sex and with whom. We're not sexual machines, and the penis often reveals what we really think about our sexual partners: if we don't want sex, it may well stay flaccid. Sex works because there is some physical or emotional chemistry between a man and woman. Without it, it tends not to work. If you have erectile dysfunction and feel no desire for your partner, that is normal and natural, not a sign of your lack of masculinity.
2 Men should know what to do at all times during sex
Sex varies from moment to moment and partner to partner. Sometimes the man is dominant, sometimes the woman. A false belief is that the man should work his way up to penetration by arousing his partner, providing enough foreplay and getting her natural lubrication flowing by arousing her during foreplay. But this puts all the responsibility onto him. It makes sex into something he does to her - but what nonsense is this? Sex is an equal game played with two equal partners who can each bring their own strength to the arrangement. In addition, both partners can - or at least should be able to - say what they want or would like to happen.
But when you're not confident, or feel anxious about sex, not telling your partner who will support you, without judgment or criticism) will just make you more anxious. That can give you a case of erectile dysfunction and put you into a downward spiral of anxiety and impotence.
3 You can fuck a woman even if she doesn't respond to you sexually
It's actually only to be expected that you'll lose your erection in a situation like this. Also, if your partner has an aversion to sex, or vaginismus, you may well experience erectile dysfunction. Your erectile dysfunction is not your fault in cases like this, because all men need to have a partner who is at least partly sexually aroused or interested before they will respond to her sexually.
4 Men can always sleep around and expect to be potent
For many men, the only effective way to have sex is in a committed relationship. Any other situation produces erectile dysfunction.
5 You can always expect to get an erection just by looking at your partner
Men over fifty almost always need physical stimulation to get an erection - fantasy alone just can't get it up anymore. if you find you have erectile dysfunction, but your partner is not keeping her hand on your cock to get you aroused, then maybe you need to change what you do sexually.
6 You have to have a rigid erection to penetrate a woman
Provided you have plenty of lube, and you can grip with your finger and thumb around the base of your penis, you can get a semi-erect penis into a woman's vagina without much trouble. Often once it is in there it will firm up quite quickly and naturally.
Non-erect intercourse: your partner lies on her back, her right leg over your hips. You lie at forty-five degrees to her body on her left side, facing her. You hold your penis in your right hand and rub your glans up and down, from side to side, and all around her clitoris. You need plenty of lube on your penis and her vulva for this.
When you get erect or partly erect, go an inch into her vagina. The main idea is to enjoy what it feels like, not have full penetration. After partial insertion increase the time penetration lasts. Lessen the clitoral rubbing. Do this for ten minutes four times each week and you'll possibly see that your erectile capacity is increasing.
However, don't expect an improvement in your erectile capacity if you simply don't want to be with your partner, for non-erect penis intercourse is not a way to extend a relationship that has passed its sell-by date. It's much more about getting sexual energy flowing and re-establishing arousal and sexual self-confidence in a man whose wilting dick has led to a cycle of negative expectations causing a failure to get erect, leading to not getting erect, and thereby confirming his belief that he won't get erect ever again.
7 Erections should stay hard throughout sex
The problem is they don't - they come and go. Erectile dysfunction is not an erection that comes and goes during sex; that is normal.
8 If your erection softens as you get older, you have erectile dysfunction
Not really, because as men age they do have softer erections, less rigid than before. There's nothing you can do about this.
Other pages of background information on erectile dysfunction
You can treat all the symptoms of erectile dysfunction with the help of this erectile dysfunction systemic treatment written by a sexual therapist and trained counselor.
Other sections of this website about erectile dysfunction