Emotional and psychological problems can be the cause of erectile dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction can be caused by psychological problems and trauma in early life
Not everyone has an ideal childhood. Many men, far more than is generally known perhaps, have had childhood abuse issues which include sexual, emotional and even physical abuse.
Sexual abuse can leave a man sexually and emotionally vulnerable and lacking in confidence, defensive and unable to relate to women in the way that is necessary for a smooth and harmonious relationship.
A man's problems may manifest as sexual issues - a lack of trust, premature ejaculation at the start of his sexual career, and later in life, erectile dysfunction, lack of desire, and lack of intimacy. When a man is young, he has a high testosterone level, he feels very sexy, he can overcome his sexual inhibitions through the simple power of his sexual drive.
Later in life, he is more vulnerable to his underlying sexual and emotional issues; as his sex drive decreases, he needs more stimulation to get turned on - and the sensuous loving touch that he needs, the enduring reassurance that maintains intimacy, and the caresses needed to arouse his body may be missing, especially if his childhood taught him that physical intimacy was dangerous or might lead to sexual exploitation or abuse of any kind.
A man who grew up with this may not be comfortable with sexual intimacy as an adult; he may even avoid touch, and one day he may find he cannot get an erection.
Problems like these may be solved with the help of a professional sexual psychotherapist, though the solutions given on this website are also an excellent route for a return to full sexual potency. If you wish to get professional help, try The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), the most well-known professional organization for counselors and sex therapists in the USA. In the UK, try The British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT).
Childhood problems and erectile dysfunction in adult men
If a boy is not allowed to develop a healthy male sexuality, for example if he is sexually abused or forced to take the role of emotional support to his mother, or if their relationship becomes sexualized, he will grow up with a distorted sense of what relationships with the opposite sex are all about, and this will certainly inhibit his ability to form healthy sexual relationships with women in adult life.
Indeed, he may hold a considerable amount of resentment and anger against women which prevents him establishing any kind of intimate relationship and fully trusting women: his level of anger may even be so high that he fucks women over rather than risk them getting one over on him - this psychological position is hardly conducive to successful sexual relationships.
While a man may fuck women successfully when he is young, as his testosterone levels drop, he may find that he can no longer get an erection. Of course this is not inevitable - the outcome of these problems depends on many factors, not least on how supportive and tolerant his partner may be. It is not an exaggeration to say that nearly all psychological and emotional issues in a relationship stem from childhood experiences.
The attitude of the men and women who cared for you in your childhood have more influence over your sexual issues as an adult than anything else.
For men who were obliged to give selflessly of themselves to support their mother's emotional needs, for example, the main dynamic in their adult relationship is likely to be about putting their partner first, giving away their power, and maybe not even being aware of their own sexual needs. This can create a situation where a man gets out of touch with his body, thus failing to be aroused in sexual situations, thus failing to get an erection.
Clearly, a treatment modality which aims to get a man back in touch with his innate sexuality and male power, stop him giving himself away to his partner, and ground him emotionally is what is needed - and that is part of what is offered on this website.
Equally, if a man learned as a boy that what he did was never good enough, perfectionism will be a major theme in his adult relationships: thus he will try harder and harder to satisfy his partner at the expense of his own sexual pleasure. Another example would be when a boy learned in childhood that his sexuality was in some sense his mother's property - in his adult relationships he is likely to have problems trusting women enough to establish real intimacy, and he may even prefer to be on his own.
These are simple examples of how psychological problems in childhood can extend into sexual issues as an adult, causing all manner of sexual problems including impotence and erectile dysfunction. It's not hard to relate examples such as the ones above to your own situation, and to establish a sense of how you may have been affected as an adult by what happened in your childhood.
If you can establish the factors that may have been at work in your erectile dysfunction, you're much closer to being able to solve the problem. When you establish true closeness and intimacy, erections usually come fairly readily.
A damaging mother - be that emotionally or physically - can lead to a lot of problems, including a desire for meaningful male contact. In extreme cases, this kind of mothering can lead a boy to make some kind of childhood decision that he will never be safe with, or trust, women.
Huge amounts of rage and anger towards women can overcome a man's heterosexual nature - in my opinion, sometimes so much so that a man manifests a gay personality.
Any therapist who has worked with men who have erectile dysfunction that originates in a psychological problem will know how challenging the condition is for men. It can destroy a man's self-esteem and self-confidence, and completely remove the desire to express yourself sexually in case you cannot get an erection. But there is some good news: in most cases, erectile dysfunction can be solved, or at the very least significantly improved.
Of course, if the erectile dysfunction originates in a relationship issue, then the solution may involve big changes in your relationship - perhaps even the end of the relationship.
If sex is important to you - and it is to most men - then regaining your potency will mean that you have to face some challenges which up this point it may have been more convenient to ignore.
At the point where you feel you can no longer ignore the deeper issues which contribute to erectile dysfunction, then you may have some painful choices to make: do you go outside your primary relationship for sex, for example, and if so, what does this mean to the future of that relationship?
Are you going to stay in the relationship but remain celibate? And if you do decide to seek sex outside the relationship, is that a sign that the relationship isn't worth preserving? These are very hard questions, and they deserve your time and attention in a serious way. For one thing, if there are relationship problems at the root cause of the erectile dysfunction which you're experiencing, then you aren't going to be able to solve the problem with the co-operation of your partner - you'll need to resolve the relationship issues first.
And naturally, at this point, you need to begin thinking about your partner's involvement in your erectile dysfunction. Is she pursuing an agenda of her own, for example? Does she resent sexual demands being made on her - does she in fact not like sex very much? Is it convenient for her that you have erectile dysfunction, in that it alleviates her of the need to provide you with sex? all in all, unless your partner is willing and able to discuss and work through these issues with you, then progress towards a cure for your erectile dysfunction - at least within your relationship - may be rather slow!
In the program for cure of erectile dysfunction that is set out in this website we will work on the assumption that you have a partner who is willing to co-operate, wishes to see your erectile dysfunction cured, and is willing to engage in healthy discussion of any issues which come up in the process of treatment.
Even though the prospect may be daunting at this point, the overall result is likely to be a very great improvement in the quality of your relationship and a much more intimate relationship when you have dealt with all the issues which you currently face. If you are willing to relax into the process, give up your desire to be rigid and perhaps controlling, and engage in a co-operative exercise with your partner, then you stand every chance of recovering your potency in full.